Movies Should Be Under Two Hours

(Two hours and fifteen minutes MAX!)

When I decide what movie I want to watch, whether it’s going through the On Demand options or (IMISSYOU) choosing a film to see at a theater, one of the first things that I do is check the runtime. Anything under two hours and fifteen minutes is an automatic go (as long as I am interested in the actual movie!) and if it is under two hours, I am the happiest girl in the world.

Why? Because movies DO NOT NEED TO BE LONG. Can you name a movie that is over two hours and fifteen minutes that needed to be over two hours and fifteen minutes? I seriously cannot think of one. If you can’t get your story or point across in 135 minutes, then I am not interested. Think about the things that you do for longer than 135 minutes. Other than working and sleeping, all I have is “Watch The Real Housewives of New York marathon that’s on Bravo” and “Make cinnamon buns from scratch.” Other than that, if something takes more than 135 minutes, that’s annoying.

Pretty much all of my favorite movies of this past year fall under the category of “acceptable length.” Parasite is a do-able 2 hours and 12 minutes. Knives Out? Two minutes shorter than that. Little Women hits at exactly 2:15. DO NOT ADD ANOTHER SECOND GRETA GERWIG. Another fun fact: Uncut Gems hits at exactly 2:15 as well. Don’t even get me started about The Farewell--it’s at a cool hour forty.

The movies that didn’t do it for me as much this year? Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood, Marriage Story, and The Irishman were all over the limit! And YES, there are lots of things that could have been cut from each of those movies! Goodbye Bruce Lee scene. Adam Driver doesn’t need to sing that entire song. I was half asleep during The Irishman, so cut whatever you want there.

I’m not saying that directors should rush through a story just to keep it within specific parameters. That’s not fair and that’s super limiting. What I am saying though, is that my Greatest Movie of All Time Bracket is going to take movie length into consideration. Sorry Gandhi!